It’s official folks, Rob Enderle has jumped the shark – which speaks volumes if you’ve actually read some of Enderle’s clumsy writing before.
In his most recent article, Enderle comes up with a it’d-be-funny-if-he-wasn’t-serious premise where he articulates scenarios to memorialize Steve Jobs and make him “virtually immortal.”
We have a TV show called “American Idol.” Why not create one called “The Next Steve Jobs”? Running Apple is a job that many people are trained to do, but the one thing that will be immediately lost and very hard to replace is Steve Jobs as the face of Apple.”
Many people are trained to run Apple? Say what? And if so many people are trained to run Apple, why, then, would it be hard to replace Jobs?
Why not have contests every four years to find an Apple spokesperson who can create this same magic? He or she could present old and new Apple products to judges who could even be from Jobs’ own family or Apple’s board, and the winner would be “The Next Steve Jobs” or “Virtual Steve Jobs,” an honorary title.
“Hey Mom! I just won first place on a TV show. From now on, call me ‘virtual Steve!”
After four years, the star spokesperson would be offered a different job at Apple and actually have the chance of working to become CEO over time by starting as an executive aide while the next candidate was chosen.
Mining mainstream America in order to find a CEO to lead a multi-billion dollar corporation. Brilliant!
You might actually get another fully capable Steve Jobs that way. The show would be a huge showcase for Apple products, and Apple would maintain the unique capability of being able to pitch products without boring folks to death.”
This has to be, without question, one of the dumbest ideas I’ve ever heard. It sure wouldn’t be boring, though – Enderle is right about that.
“As long as this show existed,” Enderle writes, “the image of Steve Jobs would never die.”
Oh lord, gag me.
But it gets worse.
Enderle then comes up with this gem.
The Steve Jobs Codex
This would be a book of what Steve Jobs thinks Apple should build over the next 100 or so years. With new products every five years, it would contain 20 secret ideas that would only be trotted out when a similar product was released to market. Marketing would contain the concept that the idea came from the Steve Jobs Codex — a book that only the CEO of Apple was allowed to read.
Rob, you’ve been reading The DaVinci Code, haven’t you?
For the next 100 years, Apple would then have the ability to create the impression that at least two products a decade had come, at least partially, from the mind of Steve Jobs. If you got creative, you could likely extend this to 1,000 years without too much additional work, since all you need to do is create the impression that the idea originated from this book and, therefore, from the mind of Steve Jobs.
Enderle is a fool. A Steve Jobs codex filled with products Apple should build over the next 100 years. Is Jobs a prophet? A descendant of Nostradamus? And what’s up with “you could likely extend this to 1,000 years without too much additional work.” Utterly moronic.
Moving along, Enderle next suggests an award called the “Steve Jobs Award of Product Excellence”
One category would be open only to Apple employees, and others would apply only to products outside of Apple’s chosen industry, minimizing the chance that an award would go to a product that competed with Apple.
The award would recognize the combination of design, user experience, and marketing excellence by Apple standards, and it would serve to focus the targeted industries on practices that would make them more profitable, more successful, and with demonstrably more-satisfied customers.
This award would be given every three to five years and be funded like the Nobel Prizes, so that the annuity would continue virtually forever. It would extend Steve Jobs’ reach far beyond his life and touch billions through the designers and products receiving the award…
Is it just me, or is it the height of insensitivity to come up with an idea like this while Steve Jobs is still alive? Also, the product can’t help bring to mind The Simpsons episode where Mr. Burns gives Homer a faux award for “Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence.”